Backstory

This will be my first visit back to the country of my birth since my family left Vietnam as boat people in 1978 following the installation of the new c*mmunist r*gime after the end of the war in 1975.  Many fled the country in order to escape hardship, c*rruption and the vengeful measures taken against former members of the Republic of Vietnam (S.Vietnam).  I will not go into detail about our journey as that is not my purpose here, but I will say what is necessary to explain the reasoning behind my trip.

Of my family, only my parents, an uncle, myself and my younger brother Phat left.  The penalty for any failed escape attempt was death and so the fewer the number of people leaving, meant a lower risk of being caught out by the local c*mmunist m*litary guards and their constant surveillance.  The clandestine nature of our escape meant that not even other family members were told of the plans for fear of discovery and so there were no farewells.  I have only one remaining grandparent (my maternal grandmother), who we left behind with the rest of my aunts and uncles.

After a week at sea, our small boat numbering a few families reached Hong Kong international waters some 10,000km away from our home city of Qui Nhon.  We were recognised as international p*litical refugees and as Hong Kong was British governed at the time, we were eventually sent to the UK to be settled in a refugee hostel in northern England.  I remember seeing snow for the first time as we disembarked the British Airways flight and perhaps that was why I left my toy gun behind, which became my unintended gift to some air stewardess.

The last time I saw my gran was in 1995 when we arranged for her to come over to visit us, the only way my parents could see her as they refuse to go back until the r*gime falls.  It took several months of dealing with bureaucracy in Vietnam to achieve this but she came over and stayed for six months.  When she left, she told me that she would return when I got married.  I remain unmarried and now she is even older and more frail.

When we were granted refugee status in Hong Kong we were each issued an International Travel Document.  Inside it stated that we we could travel anywhere in the world apart from the country we had fled.  In 1991, we all became British Citizens which was when we were able to travel freely to any country for the first time.  Yet my parents did not go home.

Many people have asked me if I have ever been back to Vietnam and my answer has always been the same.  Being the eldest child and with my scattered but persistent memories of life in Vietnam, our journey and the hardships my parents have gone through, I have always felt some kind of responsibility that I should remain in self-imposed exile like them, in solidarity and support.  However, I made a pact with myself that if my gran got ill and there was a chance I would never see her again, I would return.

My parents have always voiced their concerns and dissuaded us about returning to Vietnam due to their experience of the r*gime and the p*litical stance we have taken against it.  However, they have never ultimately stood in the way of anyone going there to visit our family (most of my siblings have been back).  I believe they understand and also that our generation of Vietnamese, raised with one foot in our own culture and the other in that of our adoptive nation have a natural desire to explore our roots.  By returning to Vietnam I am not renouncing any p*litical b*lief or disdaining the effort and sacrifice of my parents to give our family a chance in life and I will always love them for everything they have been and are to us.

Hence, the reasons for my coming back to Vietnam are twofold: primarily, to visit my gran and the rest of the family we left behind; secondly, to discover my cultural heritage as fully as possible and this three month freewheeling cycle tour with my brother will give us the exploration we hope to achieve.

My parents have always brought us up to be proud of our own culture and schooled us in Vietnamese when younger, which will obviously be useful.  Not speaking it regularly in the UK also means that this trip will be one of education for our language in terms of new vocabulary, technical words and more importantly slang!

NB - I have had to asterisk out some words as they may be sensitive to Big Brother Vietnam.  I had already written this post in my first blog using those words in full, including something about h*man r*ghts and r*ligious repr*ssion but within 15 minutes it was blocked.